


In Another Life? (It Would've Been Us.)

by 00trumpet



Series: It's Not The Right Time (It Never Is) [3]
Category: Women's Soccer RPF
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-09
Updated: 2019-07-09
Packaged: 2020-06-25 08:40:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,575
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19742122
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/00trumpet/pseuds/00trumpet
Summary: Alex finally tells Kelley. And she realizes that Kelley loved her, too.But it’s too late.





	In Another Life? (It Would've Been Us.)

**Author's Note:**

> make sure you read the first couple parts of the series before this one!  
> everyone asked for a continuation. here it is. (it only got worse.)

It’s been a week since they won. Things haven’t really quieted down yet, hardly at all, actually, but it’s a little better. One night, they go get coffee and come back to the hotel, residing in Alex’s room. 

Alex makes sure Kelley’s sitting down, offering the office chair while she takes the foot of the bed.

And Alex tells her, finally. “Servando and I are done. We’re getting divorced.”

Kelley smiles, big and wide, because this is what she’s  _ wanted  _ for so long. But then it’s gone, and her face is screwing together, and she’s shaking her head. 

“What’s wrong?” 

“Too late, Alex. It’s too late.”

“I just—“

“Why now? Why now that I’m with someone, that I’m happy.” She shakes her head. “Why  _ now _ are you getting a divorce.” 

“I don’t know what you mean, Kelley.”

“I mean I have loved you, for a fucking decade, and  _ now _ you’re getting divorced.”

“You loved,” Alex trails off. She can’t say it. 

“I loved you. I always loved you, you were always—“ she laughs but it’s hollow. “You were always the one for me, Al. You were always the one I loved. The one I wanted. The one I needed. You were in a shitty marriage, with a shitty guy, and I was your best friend. And I was in love with you.”

Alex is shaking her head because  _ no, you don’t get it, Serv was a  _ good  _ guy, and  _ I  _ was the one who loved  _ you  _ and no, this isn’t how this conversation was supposed to happen, none of this is how it was supposed to happen _ .

“I didn’t know,” Alex finally manages to say, after a too-long silence. 

“You knew. You had to. We were never just friends, and you fucking knew it.”

“I didn’t,” Alex insists, shaking her head as she looks at her lap. “How, how was I supposed to know?” She looks up at Kelley who looks mad and frustrated and most of all, worst of all, hurt. “How should I have known?”

“Think for one second, Alex. Think about it for one fucking second.”

So she does. 

-

_ There were a million moments where Alex should have known. _

_ Where she did, on some level, know. She had to have. _

_ Kelley always happened to disappear when Servando showed up.  _

_ Kelley always held her a little closer than everyone else.  _

_ Kelley always loved her a little harder than anyone else. _

_ - _

_ Kelley was good at hiding it. She worked really fucking hard to hide it, actually.  _

_ She pretended her heart didn’t ache when Alex kissed her cheek. She pretended she didn’t want that kiss to be an inch to the left. _

_ They lost the World Cup together, in 2011. And it broke her heart. And she and Alex grieved over it, with each other. And part of Kelley was more worried about Alex being okay, than she was about herself. _

_ They won the Olympics together, in 2012. And Kelley almost blew it. Because in the rush of the moment; in the rush of loving her sport, loving her team, loving her life, loving her gold medal; she almost forgot that she wasn’t supposed to love Alex. _

_ And she took Alex’s face in her hands, and pulled her close, and tucked her face in Alex’s neck, and she kissed her. Right there. On national television.  _

_ And it was fine because nobody could see, nobody knew, except them. They knew. _

_ They stayed in an apartment together, in California, for the next three months. _

_ Alex had a serious boyfriend. Kelley thought she was joking when she brought it up. She and Tobin both laughed. _

_ But then their press tour was done and they were asked to let the staff know where they needed to be sent back to and Alex walked over to her and took her hand and said “California, right?” _

_ And Kelley had plans to spend some time with her family. And take the next few months easy before figuring out her next step, soccer-wise. But she couldn’t say no to those bright eyes and that shining smile. (She never could.) _

_ And they moved to California. And they got an apartment together and they spent almost every second of it on the beach, getting hit by the waves and the sun and trying to remind each other to reapply sunscreen. And they laughed and they held each other too close and they touched each other too intimately, and nothing existed outside of them and that small apartment in California. _

_ One time, Kelley jokingly asked if Alex would brush her teeth for her. She did, while brushing her own teeth. _

_ Tobin snapped a picture of the ridiculous moment. _

_ The picture was her lockscreen for a month. _

_ Things came out in those three months. Alex shared her concerns over how things with Serv were going, how she was worried about what her next step should be, how the fame was hard to deal with. How she felt like it was changing her, all of it was changing her. _

_ Kelley kissed her forehead and said, honestly, “well no matter what happens, I’ll always love you.” _

_ When those three months, those three, glorious months were over, they didn’t get to see each other for awhile. There were national team camps here and there, but those were work, and they were busy, and part of Kelley told herself that maybe it was good for her. _

_ Maybe it was good that she was forced to distance herself from Alex. _

_ She even got a girlfriend, a great girl, who was nice and sweet and supportive and loving.  _

_ But after hard games and after long nights and after fights and after anything that left her feeling tired or worn out or defeated, she thought of one thing. _

_ She thought of Alex, and those three months in that small apartment. _

_ The best three months of her life. _

_ One night, December 2013, a little over a year since those three months, she started to text Alex. She’s typed up the message, and it said,  _ I miss you. I miss those three months. I miss it all. I miss you so much. Everything was better when you were there.

_ She saved it in her drafts, not letting herself send it. Not yet. _

_ She woke up to a text from Alex.  _ Serv proposed!!!!!

_ She turned her phone off. _

_ At that next camp, Alex didn’t bring up the fact that Kelley never responded.  _

_ Everyone gathered around Alex, gushing about how happy they were for her, how beautiful the ring was, how amazing it would all be. _

_ Kelley went for a run. A long run, so long and so far that she got lost and had to call a cab to take her back to the hotel.  _

_ She avoided Alex that camp. She hoped Alex didn’t notice.  _

_ She called her girlfriend, talking for hours every night, and pretending her heart wasn’t broken. Pretending she wasn’t in love with the woman three doors down, with a giant engagement ring on her finger. _

_ The invitation came in the mail, eventually. _

_ Kelley had to know. She had to know that it was coming. Of course it was coming. _

_ Kelley locked herself in her room and cried the whole night, anyway. _

_ She checked  _ +1 _ , and sent it back, and told her girlfriend to wear something beautiful. _

_ The day of the wedding, she excused herself from her girlfriend, and said she had to go talk to Alex before the ceremony. She went to the bathroom and she cried until her eyes were bloodshot and there weren’t any tears left.  _

_ She let herself into the dressing room, but the words on the tip of her tongue weren’t the ones she meant to say.  _ Come with me, right now. Leave with me, right now. Escape with me. We’ll leave, and we’ll go somewhere no one knows our names, and we’ll be together. We’ll be happy, and together, and everything will feel okay again.  _ Things hadn’t felt  _ okay _ for Kelley in a very long time. _

_ But that wasn’t what she said. “Alex, I’m so happy for you. I’m so happy that you’re happy. You deserve to be happy. All I want is for you to be happy.” Her voice cracked as she forced the words out, then wiped away another tear she could feel creeping in, and she left before Alex could say anything. _

_ It was better after that. Kelley got closer with her girlfriend, and further from Alex.  _

_ And then the World Cup happened. _

_ And in the build up for it; all the press appearances and the send off games and the time that she was able to spend with Alex, all that progress she made, was gone.  _

_ It was wiped away with a smile and an “I missed you, Kelley,” and a hug that went on for too long. _

_ And Kelley was sucked right back in.  _

_ And then they won the tournament, and Kelley kissed Alex’s gold medal, and Kelley kissed Alex’s neck, and Kelley danced and partied and got drunk.  _

_ And Kelley loved Alex. So much. _

_ And then the tournament was over. And the press tours were over.  _

_ Kelley got in a fight with her girlfriend. Her girlfriend kept questioning her about Alex, why she was so wrapped up in Alex and finally, Kelley yelled, “Why are you so jealous?” and Kelley’s girlfriend yelled back, “Why are you more in love with Alex then you’ll ever be in love with me?” _

_ And they broke up.  _

_ And one day, not too much later, Alex texted her,  _ I’m moving to Orlando, to try and save my marriage with Serv.

_ Kelley turned her phone off. Again. _

_ Kelley found someone new. She dated them, and she hoped like hell that this one could make her forget Alex, even if only for a second. _

_ In Rio, they recreated that picture from London 2012, because Kelley said, “I want us to remember how incredible that tournament was for us.” She didn’t mention the three months together. _

_ The months that still come to her mind, every now and then, when things are hard. _

_ The best three months of her life. _

_ They spent the tournament in Rio, without Serv, without Kelley’s girlfriend. _

_ Together. In love.  _

_ Unspoken love; but love. Undeniable love. _

_ And they lost. And they grieved, together.  _

_ And then they went home, to their separate lives.  _

_ Alex signed with Lyon for the next year and immediately, before Kelley could stop herself, she texted Alex, S _ hould I go to France for the season? I don’t know that I can spend that many months away from you. _ And Alex texted back,  _ You can do it. I’ll miss you, though.  _ And Kelley said,  _ I’ll miss you more.

_ And she meant it.  _

_ And when Alex had the Champions League final at the same time that Kelley was supposed to go to an event with her girlfriend, she stayed home to watch it. _

_ When Alex got back, and they went to the beach with Allie and Bati, and she gave Alex a piggyback ride, and a stranger took pictures of them, Kelley realized she was still in love.  _

_ When Alex sent her those pictures later that night, she changed her lockscreen. _

_ She found herself hiding it from her girlfriend, and she hated it, and she hated that she loved Alex. _

_ She changed it to a picture of them, instead. And she leaned into the relationship a little more, and she tried a little harder to get over Alex. _

_ And then Kelley’s birthday came around, and Alex got them matching necklaces. And Kelley wore hers, constantly, no matter what. _

_ And they did a Facebook live interview together, and Kelley looked at Alex like she was her everything, and she hated how true that was. _

_ And she admitted those three words that she’s thought of, on those hard nights. She said them out loud. _

_ Best three months. _

_ Then Kelley had a rough go of it with injuries. And she spent more time with her girlfriend. And Alex texted her, everytime she scored a goal,  _ That was for you.

_ And Kelley found herself deleting the messages before her girlfriend might see them. _

_ And the World Cup came around, and Kelley loved Alex. And she pretended she didn’t. _

_ And she loved her girlfriend, loud and proud, kissing her on national tv.  _

_ And she pretended she didn’t see Alex looking dejected as she leaned up to kiss Serv. _

-

“You loved me,” Alex says slowly, and she feels her whole world crashing down around her.

“You knew,” Kelley insists. “You had to know.”

“I didn’t,” Alex shakes her head quickly, then looks up to meet Kelley’s eyes. “I wish I had, if I had known just—just a  _ little bit _ sooner,” she shakes her head again. 

“Don’t,” Kelley says, standing from the chair. “Don’t talk about what could’ve been, I—I can’t handle a whole conversation about  _ what could’ve been _ . I know what could’ve been.”

“What?”

“I could have loved you, Alex. I could have loved you, and you could have loved me, and we could have been happy, together.”

“Why,” she pauses. Alex hates herself for saying it, but she can’t fathom the idea of never asking. “Why can’t we, still?”

Kelley’s heart breaks. 

For what feels like the millionth time, Kelley’s heart breaks because of Alex.

“I have someone, Alex. I have a— a  _ great _ girl.”  _ A girl so good that sometimes I can forget about you. _ “It’s too late.”

“It’s not fair,” Alex’s voice cracks and she feels the tears start to come. “It just— it isn’t fair.”

Kelley sits on the foot of the bed next to her, wrapping an arm around her shoulders. “Please don’t cry,” she whispers soothingly, pressing a kiss to Alex’s forehead. “I can’t stand to see you cry.”

“It’s the right thing,  _ we _ are the right thing. It’s just the wrong time. It was never the right time.”

Kelley nods, and she feels  _ bad _ . Because this is what she wants,  _ Alex _ is what she wants. 

And here’s Alex, crying in her lap, telling her she loves her.

That they love each other.

And Kelley is saying no.

“The right thing at the wrong time isn’t the right thing,” Kelley says, still rubbing Alex’s back. “I’m,” she shakes her head as she stands from the bed. “I’m really sorry, Al.”

Alex looks up but Kelley is already turned away, walking towards the door. “Wait,” Alex says, standing up. 

Against her better judgement, Kelley turns around. 

“Another time, another place, another lifetime, it would’ve been us?”

Kelley nods once, and it’s so subtle that Alex hardly even sees it. “It would’ve been us.”

She leaves, and once the door clicks, Alex falls back onto the bed. 

Her knees are weak and her legs literally give out and honestly, she’s just lucky that the bed is there to catch her. She cries and cries and cries. 

“It would’ve been us,” she whispers to the empty room. She crawls up towards the pillows and hides under the blanket and sobs into the pillow until it’s soaked with tears and stained with mascara and she isn’t sure she has any tears left.

And then, somehow, she cries some more.

And then the tears are all gone, and she’s still crying, yelling into her pillow about how unfair it all is. 

And in her mind, those four words won’t stop echoing.

_ It would’ve been us, it would’ve been us, it would’ve been us _ .

She wishes she never asked.

**Author's Note:**

> ty for reading! leave a comment here or send an ask on whatthekellex to let me know what you think! <3


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